Can't Believe It's Not Butter

Have you ever read the leaflet that comes with the condoms? Well, I got bored, and thought, yes, that looks like an exciting read. So I read it.

                Firstly, you should never use condoms with oil based lubricants. The examples were baby oil, petroleum jelly, and butter. Butter!? I can honestly say I’ve never been at it and thought, ‘hmmm, could do with a bit of butter in this’- It’s not a sandwich! You can’t just start spreading around butter like its Christmas (can only afford butter at Christmas). Even when people start experimenting with food, no one ever thinks about butter! I’m pretty sure turnips are used in the bedroom more than bloody butter!

                So yes, you could say I was surprised to see butter on the list of things that should not be used with condoms.

                And next, to which I already knew, is that you shouldn’t use a condom more than once. I cannot say I have ever had the urge to rinse it out and use it again. You would have to be pretty cheap to want to scrimp on condoms. I mean, poundland do them in packs of 12! Hopefully the day never comes when you have to say, “Sorry love, I spent so much money on the butter that I’ve just got to rinse it out before we can go again.” – what an age we live in. If you’re that cheap ( I keep wanting to say ‘tight’, but you’ll get the wrong end of the stick), then you might aswell buy latex gloves. I mean, it’s like 5 for the price of 1. And there’s even the novelty of deciding which one to use. “Oi, love, fancy a thumb?”

                Next time you get bored, have a read, you never know what it might say. Or you might just get a tad disappointed because you spent shit loads on some butter which you now can’t use. Damn it, I will just have to have a cucumber sandwich instead.

                While we are on this topic, have you ever read the kama sutra? Well, you either have already done them, or you have to be an Olympic gymnast. Forget the prancing lion of whatever fancy names they give them, just call it the pulled muscle. I’m surprised that they didn’t bring out a London 2012 edition!

 And they always seem to give the ‘less extravagant’ ones a shit name. You have a quick flick through, and you see the gazelle, or the butterfly, but no, let’s try the wheelbarrow. Because I’ve always thought the word ‘wheelbarrow’ has got a sexy edge to it – not.

In the news, they are talking about who the new pope should be, but did you know that 4 popes have died while having sex! What a way to go...

And there you have it! Another scrumptious post from the marvellous me. Hope you have all enjoyed today’s post, and aren’t having withdrawal symptoms on my days off.

Keep smiling,

D Wulf.